Life is weird, guys

A lot has changed since I last blogged, enough to start blogging again. I'll explain later, but for now I'm back, I'm here, and I'm better now.

Moving

Self explanatory. Come and find me if you can!

Imagine that

"We both laugh and run and the moment is so thick around me that I feel like dropping into it to let it carry me."

A beautiful somewhere

"But ultimately I do not believe that she was only matter. The rest of her must be recycled, too. I believe now that we are greater than the sum of our parts. If you take Alaska's genetic code and you add her life experiences and the relationships she had with people, and then you take the size and shape of her body, you do not get her. There is something else entirely. There is a part of her greater than the sum of her knowable parts. And that part has to go somewhere, because it cannot be destroyed.

Although no one will ever accuse me of being much of a science student, one thing I learned from science classes is that energy is never created and never destroyed. And if Alaska took her own life, that is the hope I wish I could have given her. Forgetting her mother, failing her mother and her friends and herself--those are awful things, but she did not need to fold into herself and self-destruct. Those awful things are survivable, because we are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be. When adults say, "Teenagers think they are invincible" with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because weare. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail."

-- Looking for Alaska

#8

Read this (click)

I always thought that I'd be someone who could give great advice. But usually no one ever comes to me for that kind of stuff and it makes me question whether I seem like someone who's worth asking. When I was in middle school/high school the most interesting stuff to me and to everyone else was what drama was going around. It was everywhere. And I think the characteristic of being a 'good friend' back then was knowing what to say when someone came to you with problems. But usually I was the one on the outside of secrets. I used to garner gossip from wherever I could and imagine what I would do in his/her shoes. I'd say "you know what, they're missing out on some good advice." And that's as far as it would go.

I'm not trying to say that no one has ever vented to me or opened up to me. It's just that I actually don't know what to say in those situations. Most times when I'm talking to someone all I respond with is "nice" or "oh wow" or "oh really?" These are meaningless fillers to ensure someone that I'm not ignoring them. I don't reply much. I'm nobody's keeper, and I figure that I most likely don't know how someone else is feeling or what they've been through. Nobody does. And the most someone can do is try to understand.

Maybe I'm not the person to come to for advice. And I can live with that. In hindsight I guess that's not what being a good friend is about. Cause come on, we're all a little fucked up. Who really knows anything? But I think at the heart of it all, people are looking for other people. Not answers or replies. Just someone to listen. And to be present for someone else is a really good gift.

I'll work on it.